Guest Blog by Alicia Hudson
Welcome back, Alicia, as she shares from the heart (and from the school of hard knocks) how to love your single neighbor. Whether you have good intentions or are at a loss, her tips will help you connect with the singles on your street.
As if being single the first 26 years of my life wasn’t hard enough, after my divorce (and a kid) I found myself dreading the well-intended “matchmaking” and solo invites among my happily coupled-up friends.
I remember one specific conversation with the sweetest lady who insisted I would make “the best mate” for her friend.
I knew her friend. I knew I was most definitely not God’s best option for this guy.
I mean, he was a great guy, but not for me. Out of sheer curiosity, I asked why she had come to this conclusion about our supposed blessed fate. Her response? “Well, because you are both single, around the same age and love the Lord.”
I think sometimes single people are lumped into an unflattering category that seems like a “one size fits all.” It’s like when you show up to a “singles” event at a new church to find you’re sitting between a single person 20 years older and another 15 years younger. Singles are so much more than “single.” Singles are unique and captivating individuals with talents and callings and lives. So how can we love our single neighbors in a way that makes them feel more than single? After talking to a few singles, here are four popular things they’d like you to consider while loving them:
Spend time one-on-one
- Find time for your single neighbor without your significant other. Nobody loves feeling like a third wheel. Just because you have found your mate doesn’t mean you can’t still have additional thriving relationships. In fact, different friendships can serve different purposes, all of which have value. It might prove refreshing for you to take a night away for dinner and conversation with a good friend, one on one!
Spend time in groups
- On the flip side, don’t be afraid to include your single neighbor with your family & loved ones. Just because they don’t have kids doesn’t mean they are uncomfortable with yours. How disappointing to find out someone who loves your kids as their own was not invited to a kid friendly event, simply because they don’t have their own tribe of littles yet.
Don’t assume they’re bored
- Don’t assume that a single neighbor has nothing going on. Your single neighbor may not have a spouse and kids, but they do have friends, a job, ministry and a life. Be conscious to plan things in advance, not as an afterthought.
- Two single neighbors do not automatically equal a perfect match! Along with many other singles, I have been on the receiving side of a well intended, but obviously wrong, match-making scheme. While meeting someone through a friend is very often helpful, one should also keep in mind that not all singles are a perfect match just because they are in the same age bracket, opposite sex, and single. Also consider that not all “unmatched” people are unhappy with that life. Now, if you just know, even after considering all of the above, that two singles are really meant for each other, don’t let this blog post stop you from helping a pair out! I’m sure they’ll thank you for not listening to a blogger this one time.
Finally, I will address the single neighbor: I personally know that some of these points can be frustrating at times. We don’t always love correctly, and will not always be loved ideally. So have grace, striving to love and be loved to the best of your ability, wherever you are in your journey. Keep your chin up and heart focused, knowing that your story is being beautifully written by the Master of All.
About Alicia Hudson
Alicia is a single mom living for God serving as a worship leader at Life Connections in Fishers, Indiana. After spending over 10 years engrossed in music ministry, Alicia has branched out to the wonderful world of “writing” as a blogger. As a graduate of Indiana Bible College, Alicia is finding continued fulfillment in letting her story unfold and minister to others in whatever way possible. In her free time, she enjoys chasing her daughter, Lark Lynnette, through life, laughing and soaking up the sunshine.
Connect with Alicia at her blog, So Far So Good.